Friday, August 9, 2013

My wandering heart

I've been struggling a bit lately. I don't know what you'd call it - itchy feet perhaps? I've really been wondering exactly what our future holds. We've been in the states now for almost 18 months, and it's been 3.5 years since we called Australia home. I've shared a little before about my feelings for the motherland, and it hasn't changed. Mitch and I both agree that we want to move back there one day. We just don't know when. I'm in no hurry to go back; I love our life here, yet those old feelings of discontent have been creeping back in here and there and it's really starting to bother me. It really doesn't help that I miss life in Holland. I know that we couldn't have stayed there long term and I'm can't begin to express just how glad I am that we did come here (especially being a SAHM) but I miss what Europe has to offer. I miss spending our weekends wandering around cobbled streets in medieval villages, I miss the shopping, I miss riding my bike everywhere. I miss the lure of the rommelmarkt. I miss the culture. Heck, I miss the cheese. Unnaturally coloured, plastic yellow cheese just does not begin to compare to a big round of Gouda, encased in wax and wrapped in layers of newspaper... Boy do I miss Dutch cheese!

It has been a rough few months in general - lots of happenings, lots of ups and downs. Way too many crazy hormones. At this point during our time in the Netherlands we were making plans for our next move; looking into new cities and international moving companies. Since 2007, the longest we've stayed in one city was 2 years in Nijmegen. It's no wonder I'm getting itchy feet again. This whole staying put indefinitely thing is foreign to me. I know that I don't want to move again, not even house - unless it's going back to Brisbane. Moving anywhere, let alone internationally takes on a whole new meaning when you have a child, as opposed to just a carefree couple who moves with only what they can carry!

Right now, I don't know what the future holds. Some days that scares me. After almost 1.5 years in the USA however, I finally feel like I know the reason why God brought us here. For community. I've lived a lot of places, a handful of countries and I've never in my life experienced such a sense of community before. Such an amazing support network. Such good people. Women that have become like family to me, their children like cousins to my son. And although I don't know how long we'll be here for, I do know that I'm going to make the most of the time we have here. Start living one day at a time. Stop trying to microplan our future. It's hard, because I am a planner by nature but I know if I start looking too far into the future I'll be too focused and miss out on what life here has to offer, right now.

Deep down, I know that I will always have a wandering heart. As much as I feel like I've really settled into the suburban, stay at home Mum role, I know there will always be a little part of me that itches for adventure. Perhaps one day, we will pack up our family and take off to Asia for a year. Maybe we'll take our kids backpacking around Europe for an extended period. Maybe we'll live my dream of being up in the Himalayas again... Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I am determined to keep on traveling in some way, shape or form as a family to give our kids a taste of the big wide world.

I know I can't be the only one out there with a wandering heart - can you relate?


4 comments:

  1. I'm so glad to have joined your community, Lu. We need to stick together in these wonderful, crazy days!
    :)
    K

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  2. You know I can relate. ;) As much as I love a place, I get antsy after a while.

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  3. "This whole staying put indefinitely thing is foreign to me." Seems like you're a wander-lust person! That's great and you have such a free-spirited and adventurous side to you. You should take a long vacation somewhere soon. ;)

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  4. I used to love (and dream) about travel. Since becoming a mama I have grown to crave being home. I have trouble picturing our family anywhere else.
    I am a planner though. I have had such a hard time lately 'Living in the now.' Thanks for the gentle reminder!

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Thanks for reading, your comments make my day :-)

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