Thursday, January 23, 2014

The gender game

Within days of announcing this pregnancy the gender question came flying at me again and again... Are you hoping for a boy or girl? What do you think you're having? Are you going to find out?

Don't get me wrong - I don't mind these questions at all! But I can honestly say that all I wanted is a baby. A healthy baby. Being pregnant is such a blessing and the gift of life is something I will never again take for granted. Whether this baby was of the pink or blue variety, we knew we'd love him/her and just couldn't wait to welcome this new little one into our life.

We found out the gender reasonably early - at around 15 weeks to be exact. I had been feeling down and like I couldn't bond with this baby, and so we decided to book in for an early 4D gender scan so that we could stop calling the baby an it. After I announced we were having another boy, the responses blew me away. Not from friends, but from complete strangers who'd see the bump & my boy - even to this day, some people have the audacity to respond with pity. I've had comments along the lines of oh, better luck next time or 2 BOYS - good luck with that. And of course the inevitable question: so are you going to try again for a girl?

I feel like there's this expectation that if someone's second child is the same gender as their first, they'll be disappointed. I've also noticed that people tend to (often wrongly) assume anyone who has a pigeon pair is automatically done having children; that having one of each gender is the ultimate goal & what makes a family complete. These assumptions weigh on my heart. It makes me sad. Gender alone does not complete a family. I grew up in a family of four girls and I couldn't imagine it any other way. I may not have had brothers, but I had an imperfect but wonderfully loving family.

When we found out at 15 weeks we were expecting another son, I was thrilled. A boy; a brother for our Oliver! A little part of me had thought there was a baby girl in there because this pregnancy has been so very different to my pregnancy with Oliver. The exhaustion. The emotions. The morning sickness, that lasted until 24 weeks. But in my heart, I have always felt destined to be a boy Mum. I have to admit, I was a little nervous telling everyone we were having another boy. That although he is so very precious to us, it wouldn't seem as special to anyone else because we're having just another boy.

Mitch and I both know in our hearts that we would like more children; I just can't imagine being done after this little one. I'll be the first to admit that I haven't loved pregnancy this time around, but it still doesn't overtake my desire to have a bigger family. I'd be surprised if we stop at two, but you never do know what the future does hold. If our plans pan out however, I know this pregnancy won't be my last. I try my best to be open & honest in this space so I will admit that if I never have a daughter, I know that I'll experience some sadness. I grew up in a family of girls and I would love to have a daughter too. But, I know the feeling would be temporary. If I never have a girl, I won't be be heartbroken. I won't have regrets. Why? Because never having a girl means that I will instead have a house full of boys. Sons. Oh gosh. Fun and games (and likely very stinky), but such a blessing all the same.

When I think about the future, I get so excited. I see my Oliver, with his little brother. Only 2.5 years difference in age and best buddies. I know they will fight and have their differences, but I can only hope and pray that at the end of the day, they are best friends.

We all can't wait to meet you, little man.

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  1. Congratulations, I love the photos of how you revealed it :)

  2. Aww, congrats!

    I have two boys. Under 2 years apart in age and everyone was all "Oh you'll have your hands full" But honestly, two boys are joy! A couple of years later, I had another baby - a girl! Girls are much harder than boys IMO lol.

  3. I love reading your blog. Miss you and Oliver

  4. This is so well said. I actually was one of those people who really think that most moms would try for a girl and when I found out that Declan was a boy had to get over some disappointment. All of a sudden it went from "when I have a girl" to "if we have a girl" and I had to deal with that. But now that I have him and see how wonderful little boys can be as well? This time around I was almost a little disappointed to be having a girl and not a boy!!

    Either sex is wonderful. They are your children. And I think there is something really strong and beautiful about being a mom of numerous boys. Plus you are basically guaranteeing that at least one will stay close with you into adulthood (that's always my fear about boys... losing them to a wife and her family!). I think brothers is so fantastic. You're a lucky family. :)

  5. Same exact boat mama! People always ask if we are going to have a third for a girl & I'm thinking there is guarantee it would be a girl! We always knew we would have 2 kids. And we got 2 boys. If they had been 2 girls we would have loved them the same. But I have to admit, I think I'm a better boy mom ;)


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